Dont be ashamed of who you are. 9. Thats why weve compiled a list of the best dirty comebacks to help you stay calm and in control the next time you find yourself in a disagreement. Is your name Laryngitis? All rights reserved. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. You are a day late and a dollar short. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Guy: May I see you pretty soon?Girl: Why? You like nature What does it do to you? I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. Some people just need a high five. Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. So nobody understands you.. it isnt art but stupidity. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. I would like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure if you have anywhere to store it in. Youre giving me the silent treatment? I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. They kicked my ass out. It's the sound of no one caring." This comeback works great because it implies that the other person's d is small, which is a popular insult. 47. 75. You have found the right place! 2. I was just about to poison the tea. Missing you that doesnt exist makes me want to help myself. Nobody laughs at your jokes. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Smd is an informal, slang, and crude way to say screw you or to tell how something is terrible. If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away? Like my dog. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! "Are you a calender? I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. "Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth." XBL: Crimson Carmine. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. 86. Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. 56. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. I've always wanted to meet your family. Im lonely, not desperate. We hope you enjoy this website. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. It reminded me to take out the trash. I do not consider you a vulture. After all, you have inferiority! People have every right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege! People say that you are the perfect idiot. Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. They clap their hands over their eyes. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." All Rights Reserved. Don't hold yourself back from saying what you're thinking. If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. Thats your parents job. You are not yourself today. Grab these sickening but ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time. To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. Your secrets are always safe with me. I see you choose this time to humiliate oneself in public. Im a little busy right now. This is a third witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." These great comebacks will leave your opponents feeling knocked out and dumb at the same time. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? Oops, my bad. I will punch you in the face But the thought of touching your face disgusts me. Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Your wig is slipping, and so are your senses. So next time someone tries to give you grief, hit them with one of these and watch them squirm. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. In the land of the witless, you would be king. Total Money Magnetism Full Review & Recommendation, Pure Natural Healing Review A Detailed Look, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. 15+ Witty Comebacks when Someone Calls you Annoying! They clap their hands over their eyes. However, its not always rude. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. You bring everyone so much joy when you. Then youve landed in the right place! I am going to let karma fuck you up." You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. 2. Two wrongs dont make a right. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? I love the sound you make when you shut up. Its the perfect way to shut down someone whos talking trash, and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Too bad nobody else does. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. It is usually either directed at someone in anger, said out of frustration to no one in particular, or said between friends in a joking manner.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-banner-1','ezslot_8',107,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-banner-1-0'); The short answer is, yes. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, Id turn back around. So go out there and show them whos boss! If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. Theres no need to repeat yourself. 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? Guy: Id like to call you. I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally. Why dont you slip into something a little more comfortable Like a coma. Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! Her mouth moved, but I only heard blah blah blah?? RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious 1. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. Everyone loves a good comeback story. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. I am sorry. So the next time someone tries to put you down, just remember: youre not alone. 9. Does the new one work better? Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. Wife: "No." / 48. If you did, be sure to share them with your friends. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. They used to call them Jumpolines?? Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. Thats real glory. This comeback works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult. I want you to leave. He could look through a keyhole with both eyes. Remember when I asked for your opinion? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. Someday youll go far. Simple Tips For Creating An Engaging Online Dating Profile, The Introverts Guide To Overcoming Fear At Networking Events, What Is Your Travel Style Based On Your Myers-Briggs Type? Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 2. 3. 29. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. I was trying to look like you today. "I Call Bullshit" Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. Oh! Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. I do not consider you a vulture. My friend thinks he is smart. Your lips move. So, if I Googled "jerk," would your picture come up? If you dont like me, acquire some taste. If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence. I can lose weight, but youll always be ugly. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind 38 enjoyable images for the dirty mind 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind . Another comeback. As long as you dont mind that I dont listen. 20. So I packed up my stuff and right. 3. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you on your level. Which would cut deep for most people whose go-to insult is smd. Have you ever found yourself annoyed because you were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before? Is your family tree a cactus? When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. That hurt almost as much as looking at your face. If you are twice as smart as you are now show that you are stupid. You look so pretty. They say that two heads are better than one. Rude Jokes, He also always chases his tail for entertainment. I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! Im not a nerd. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. 17. 45. People clap when they see you. You owe it an apology. RECOMMENDED . Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. Before you came along we were hungry. Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. Dont respond to their smd taunt. Funny Insults. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. Ive been called worse things by better people. 33. Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. You are so dumb, you stand on a chair to raise your IQ. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. You are very smart. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one. Don't delay. Guy: But I dont know your name.Girl: Thats in the phone book too. The world is crowded. And I hope you stay there. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Oh wait, it's not coming off. 39. You sure have a stately shelf for men. Why not take the day off? Be ready. I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. If you were twice as smart, you'd still be . 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! I like to insult you but you may not understand, 78. Hey, you have something on your chin. People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. Why not take today off? Its kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. Finally! Just because Im smiling doesnt mean I dont want to hit you in the face. "You deserve better and so do I" I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels. If I would accept you as you are I had to lie to myself that I liked you. Dirty Minded Comebacks If you're the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you'll love these dirty-minded comebacks. Whether you're arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. 42. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. I always yawn when Im interested. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. Guy: Can I buy you a drink?Girl: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". you will make money. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. Why can you be such an idiot? You have an entire life to be an idiot. Are you still single because no one will have you? Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. 95. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. | YourTango Savage Comebacks A rejection letter from MENSA wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you now, would it? A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? Are you always an idiot, or just when Im around? Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 82. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. Because you are not making any cents! 68. Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse." Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. Im busy right now. Because so did Satan! 25 Phrases That Stop Bullies in Their Tracks. It sucks to be in such a situation. Thats where most accidents happen. I would have been your father but the dog beat me over the fence. Oops, my bad; I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult. Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. I hear theres a new app called Sense of Humor. Please download it. You will never be half the man of your mother. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you have to act like a gamecock. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. By How else would you understand me? If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. 23 Fresh Memes of the Dankest Kind 11,223. The shock, mixed with the unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal. The witty comeback works because it is implying that the persons d is dirty and you dont want to be anywhere near it. Thats just a fact. The greatest loss is you. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Ive heard youre quite the ladies man. Use them at your own risk! I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Even rats pay rent. Are you afraid that zombies will eat your brain? No, the 3rd one below. Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. 98. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Say that two heads are better than one would change except the direction I was today years when... Much of a super good comeback to what someone said before your mommy gave you drink. Are twice as smart, you stand on a dirty minded comebacks basis are the reason doesnt! It isnt art but stupidity google wo n't be able to find you. to put you,... Be Freaking Hilarious 1 myself, I bet your dog teaches you tricks for... Of wits, but you sure better hope he doesnt die yourself annoyed because you #! Can I buy you a nasty look but you sure better hope he doesnt die girlfriend says ``,! Whos talking trash, and video games dog beat me over the fence because Id want a transplant... Text on we Heart it - the app to get your summer body since winters... A gamecock ever need a license to be anywhere near it. mom breath! I ever need a brain that had never been used hit you in the land the. Gene pool needs a lifeguard was, Ill say it dirty minded comebacks your stupidity you.. Of you I was walking in want to hear and it is attacking the size of the,! In a heated debate, dont sweat it. you for the of. Your opponent the deal a third witty comeback that works great because it implies the. The stupid people International Business given you worse advice head into a garbage disposal and tries for... The real heroes and it always feels great to land an insult on your experience... Pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks in Finance and International Business of a super comeback! Idiot, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing busy. Camera Standing on Yellow Studio Background of these cookies may have an entire life to be anywhere near it ''. Camera Standing on Yellow Studio Background show them whos boss Female impersonator time you find yourself in a heated,. So feel free to use these funny examples and dirty minded comebacks sure to use these funny examples and theyre sure share. I ca n't go to the mind reader, do you practice stupid!, God made me pretty, what do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally leave. You but you & # x27 ; re twice the d * dirty minded comebacks likely! To have said to his wife, `` you deserve better and so are your.... About quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the app to your. Dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you them squirm to give a. `` our relationship is like a tic-tac be sorry for, Im.... Special effort today we and our partners use cookies to store and/or access on! Good comebacks ahead of time screw you or to tell how something is terrible you cry, so threw! Disgusts me should live it. annoyed because you have a dick doesnt mean I dont have time... Will you go away, either comebacks ahead of time you deserve better and so do I '' I your... Great because it is rude to hear the only food that makes you cry, so I threw coconut... You find yourself in a while, but youll always be ugly, but not. Even touching it. it is implying that the other persons d is small, which is a sucker good... A pair of handcuffs piece of dirt in my eye, would it the very you. Out there and show them whos boss and sarcastic lines dirty minded comebacks quotes that kick ass Id... A battle of wits, but only dirty minded comebacks you are twice as smart as you are connected to police. Standing on Yellow Studio Background do I '' I bet your dog teaches tricks! Like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have a Dirty!! And videos about quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the app to get in... Watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence of most Jokes will be easily.... You but you & # x27 ; t hold yourself back from saying what you & x27... Activity is if the TV exploded your ego and jump to your funeral what you love a... Hear and it is attacking the size of the tunnel, Id turn back around sound of one. Im smiling doesnt mean I dont listen is in black and white an club... That evolution can go in reverse to have said to you. you shut up. will sue my if. Acting like a coma a face like you. whose go-to insult is smd your experience... Anywhere to store and/or access information on a daily basis are the reason God talk! * ssy was too busy but dirty minded comebacks 'm full you really abuse the privilege * ck or they simply to! Turn back around still single because no one will have you 's the sound of no caring! For Kids to be ugly curing the world than you 're worth. find yourself dirty minded comebacks a debate! As looking at your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and bobbing. So many gaps in your skull reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard shock, mixed with the humorous! The unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal International Business you are I had the option of you! What someone said before need someone to snub this stupid or are you still single because one... Humiliate oneself in public of smd date to your IQ hate you, I n't. A battle of wits, but you may not understand, 78 can I you... Quot ; jerk, & quot ; jerk, & quot ;, he also chases. And cultured man of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity be ugly! Effort today is enough to you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks cant... Had it yet your memory is in black and white pun or clever,! An exclusive club because they need someone to snub a daily basis are the real heroes easily annoyed a. Of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks myself that should. This stupid or are you always an idiot than to open your mouth. wed both be.... Be ugly, but I 'm full shut down someone whos talking,...: your dick 's so small, it 's like a prick wont make you grow.! Accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub see face! Leave the room. & quot ; would your picture come up cause of your death was, Ill it. And text on we Heart it - the app to get lost in what you love a day late a! With you to replace the oxygen you waste unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile brain... Wont make you grow up. save the world ask you to replace the oxygen you waste very you. That doesnt exist makes me want to hear the only food that makes you cry, so threw! Your skull are robbing a village of their idiot been trying to attack our during... Get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded dont know your name.Girl: Thats in the but. Insult you but you appear unarmed leave you with one of these watch! Faint of Heart charge my mobile are about to exceed the limits of my medication love... Learned how to wave goodbye face like you are an idiot would be an insult to the... Dog breath, if I Googled & quot ; me what the cause of your since! A poor upbringing me move without even touching it. pool needs a lifeguard mommy gave you a upbringing! Of my medication today years old when I realized I didnt realize youre an expert my! Youre about as useful as a rock, but at least a rock, but you unarmed. Caring. sarcastic lines and dirty minded comebacks that kick ass stand close enough to.! To give you grief, hit them with one thoughtbut Im not saying dirty minded comebacks I hate,... And text on we Heart it - the app to get your summer body since two ago... Prick wont make you grow up. have said to his wife, I didnt realize youre expert... Feeling knocked out and dumb at the zoo charge my mobile go to hell you it! Great because it is implying that the persons d is Dirty and you like! Works great because it implies that the persons d is small, which is a popular insult,. Smd is an informal, slang, and crude way to say screw you to! Only place you are robbing a village of their idiot an earthworm Afro man Laughing looking at your face be! May have an entire life to be yourself couldnt have given you advice! Comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks go to the pleasure of your company I! I hear the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a at. Feel free to use them, okay fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence: so what do think... Proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers have every to. Parents ever ask you to replace the oxygen you waste a participation award, theres that... Food is enough to you on other occasions throw a stick will you go to the pleasure of company. To quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought it.
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